Your partner cheated on you and you don’t want to stay with a cheater, but you don’t want to leave because you care about them. Confusion is probably your number one feeling right now – mixed in with anger and sadness.
Whether you decide to stay or not there are good points and bad points to each decision you make – and the truth is it’s really up to the answer to one question – Whether you can bring yourself to trust them again or not.
Most people who cheat will beg their lovers to come back. They will exclaim that they will NEVER do it again, and they are so sorry that they did it in the first place.
I believe that most of these people may be actually honest when they say they are saying it, and that’s why it’s so easy to believe them and take them back, because they ARE being honest and it shows. So you try to trust them again and start to rebuild your relationship. But statistics show that many of these cheaters will cheat again. And you don’t want that to happen to you.
You Decide You Want To Stay In The Relationship After He or She Cheated
If you decide that you want to stay then you shouldn’t just accept their apology and take them back with their promise. You shouldn’t be taking the risk that your partner will be one of the people who cheat again after they swear they will never do it again.
You should instead make a 3 step plan to ensure you will not be hurt again.
1. You should have them work on their issues that led them to cheating.
They have to understand why they cheated on you and what led them to actually allow themselves to act on the cheating. If they don’t understand the why and how of it all then how are they going to stop themselves from doing it again when those same thoughts, issues, or situations arise?
2. You should work on your feelings and issues that came about from the cheating and learn how to move on without holding on to them.
You may take your partner back. You may even move past the cheating for a while. But if you don’t really work through the feelings and issues that came from the cheating then those feelings may resurface later in the relationship, and that’s not fair to your partner or yourself.
If you agree to stay in the relationship after they cheated then you have to be willing to work past the hurt and anger and literally let it go. You can’t bring up the pain for the rest of your relationship, otherwise your relationship will be miserable.
2. You should work on the issue as a couple.
Once they understand why they cheated and where they went wrong you should work on how you can fix the issue together. Obviously you can’t fix their issues – they have to do that themselves. But you can offer them the support they need to fix their issues. And they can offer you the support you need to help you deal with the fact that they cheated.
You Decide That You Can’t Get Over The Fact That They Cheated
Of course if you don’t feel like you can get over the cheating then it is best to move on in life. This will ensure that you will not spend your time in an unhappy relationship reliving the fact that they cheated over and over and over again. No one deserves to be constantly reminded of that.
If you stay in the relationship purely out of fear of being lonely, single, or having to start over – but you haven’t dealt with the issues at hand, then you may be looking forward to a lower self-esteem and self-worth that comes from feeling abused or used.
If you are certain that you can’t stay with the cheater then stick to the decision of leaving. Don’t waiver back and forth because it will make it harder to leave and you will be stuck in the realm of negative feelings and confusion for a lot longer than you need to be there.
Get a plan of action to move on with your life and MOVE ON.